Ralph Goldberg, at 18 months
Ralph was born a small boy, as most boys are born. His familial origins are uncertain, and bring challenges not unlike those historians who study, say, Blues music.
What we do know for sure that he almost immediately acquired habits for women, and strong liquor. There are, furthermore, vague stories about his family, disturbing stories involving how they stowed away on slave ships headed for the U.S. Some people say the family came from Ether-Opia.
Julius Goldberg, purported Grandfather of Ralph Goldberg, seen here at his farm in Southern Arkansas, 1927
"I don't know that boy."
Ralph left Arkansas somewhere during the Depression period. He toured the then early-developing "Chitlin' Circuit,"mainly as a song-and-dance-man and occasional acrobat. During this time, he continued to develop what seemed to be a nearly genetically-driven love for shooting pistols. There are a number of incidents recorded in various County Records, but oddly, Ralph managed to escape most major forms of litigation, as well as several social diseases, despite his seemingly endless appetite for prostitutes.
There is a blackout period, but most reliable accounts say that Ralph made his way by providing security and bodyguarding services. It is rumored that he was "the ape behind the scenes" running house security in Las Vegas for the legendary Rat Pack performances, although this is hazy and remains unchronicled.
The 1960's and accompanying Hippy movement provided good ground for Goldberg, along with many other thugs who ported themselves into the "Cultural Revolution," a phrase that he mocked. By then, he had fled to Florida, and was working security, again, at a Miami strip club, which, eventually, allow him to open the door (literally) to a cadre of stars, starlets, and Vegas personalities. "Everyone knew Ralph," said Sammy Davis, Jr. "You could throw up on his shoes and he wouldn't work you over if he knew you were a good tipper."
Ralph did write one thing about himself, on a barroom napkin, which he pasted onto a bathroom wall at a gas station in Pompano Beach (later collected by what then was a very young Tom Petty--he later laminated it onto one of his guitars). It said: "I'm not just a person: I'm a personality. Signed, Ralph Goldberg."
Not long after this period, Goldberg was approached (well, we don't know who approached whom first, this further clouds the mystery) by Nancy Sinatra. In any event, he was cast into "The Last of the Secret Agents," representing himself in what is no more than a brief (but highly powerful) cameo role, a role involving his trademark smoking-gun style of acting. Goldberg was very upset about wearing a bell boy outfit (one being the fact that no costume designers had ever tailored something that could comfortably fit a 800-pound Gorilla), but he stuck it out, trouper that he was:
Goldberg, "The Last of the Secret Agents" (1966)
Like many greats, Ralph sunk into obscurity, for decades. He ended up living in a trailer, in Florida, and became part of a retirement community of Ringling Bros. Circus expatriates, who embraced him.
And that is where I met Ralph. I had followed his career, sordid as it was. He had the panache, the experience that I was looking for. I am grateful that Ralph agreed to become not only my site security person, but even my personal bodyguard. He said this to me: "Rich, just two things: pay me on time, and two, if something is worrying you tell me so I can make it go away for both of us."
It has been a great relationship, although I will say that it gets a bit awkward around the Holidays--Ralph gets a little weepy, eats too much turkey, goes to sleep, wakes up, and then he wants to fight. But I wouldn't trade him for any other monkey. He is a jewel.
R.D.Engle
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